Humor - Pagan Style



This little story was sent to me via email, and its meaning to me is that no matter how deep seated your religious convictions are to you, do not push them onto others.

Misplaced Deity sought by Christians!

So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...She takes my arm and with trembling voices she asks...."Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now normally I just politely decline the sermon, and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if it's not Christians, it is the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can a simple Druid get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic I reply, "You people lost him, again??"

The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my own...

"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"

The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she looks desperately to the car... Surely one of the men can help.... Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people... I mean Muslims never seem to loose there deity. Come to think of it neither do Jews, or Pagans of any kind."

I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake... What was that about... deity even? I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be... In the fire of my candle, in the air that I breath, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies)."

"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun..." I continue. By now they are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words. "Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly He was Jewish. So if you are really so eager to find him..." I smile gently to soften the blow. "Check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there. Also you folks should try and remember that this is America... Where freedom of religion means ALL religions."

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away. I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I haven't found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either.

Someone sent this to you because they believe no one can have to much Deity. It is a blessing in disguise. You can keep it to yourself or pass it on. Oh, and if you've found Jesus, please get his face on the evening news A.S.A.P so the Christians can stop looking for him.



The Top 10 Signs You're Facing a "Wannabe"

  • 10. "I learned how to make a stoplight change!
  • 9. "Can you teach me how to make a raincloud come around?"
  • 8. "Well, I saw this really cool Ricky Lake show..."
  • 7. "I'm a natural witch!"
  • 6. "What do you mean that I'm not in ceremonial clothing?"
  • 5. "You mean that you don't have a familiar?"
  • 4. "I studied the Necronomicon. It was pretty cool, sitting right there in Waldenbooks. I just had to summon Cthulu!"
  • 3. "I sometimes hear voices in my head... They tell me that the Goddess is watching me and that my parents are the freaks."
  • 2. "I'm an expert in the field of..."


  • and the #1 way to tell it's a wannabe-

  • 1. "I'm a warlock."



  • Buttprints in the Sand

    One night I had a wondrous dream,
    One set of footprints there was seen,
    The footprints of the Goddess they were,
    But mine were not along the shore.

    But then some stranger prints appeared,
    and I asked Her, "What have we here?
    These prints are large and round and neat
    But much too big to be from feet."

    "My child," She said in somber tones,
    "For miles I carried you alone.
    I challenged you to walk in faith,
    But you refused and made me wait."

    "You would not learn, you would not grow,
    The walk of faith, you would not know,
    So I got tired, I got fed up,
    And there I dropped you on your butt.

    "Because in life, there comes a time.
    When one must fight, and one must climb,
    When one must rise and take a stand,
    Or leave their butt prints in the sand."



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